Buff Plays Dress-Up in Moscow

It’s amazing what a pair of heels can do.

The day before yesterday I finally mustered up the courage and physical endurance to wear a pair of high-heeled shoes. Back in the States wearing heels is usually not a problem for me, as I don’t do a lot of walking anyway. But in Russia, I walk several miles a day, usually between the metro and my dorm. And a couple of miles in high heels are pretty damn torturous.

Russian women are generally more traditional than American women, in that they still subscribe to traditional gender roles and stereotypes (i.e. wearing pantyhose everyday; wearing high heels everywhere; expecting men to always foot the bill and pour the drinks; working “feminine” jobs like secretary, nurse, etc.; knowing how to cook and clean; etc.). From a young age, Russian girls are taught to wear high heels every single day and to dress elegantly. They grow accustomed to it over the years, and once they’re adults the discomfort of wearing high heels is either so ingrained that they’ve forgotten about it, or it simply doesn’t cross their minds at all. Although of course I see plenty of Russian girls who dress like American girls (flat shoes, T-shirts, etc.), I see many more distinctly Russian-looking girls; that is, girls who are dressed impeccably, as if they are going out to a night club on a Monday morning. Girls who walk miles and miles in 5-inch stilettos and don’t struggle in the least. And what’s more, these girls know how to walk in high heels. They don’t stumble or walk all stiff-legged like we Americans who only wear heels for interviews. These girls have a swagger like they’re on the catwalk. And many of them look like models. This, to me, is amazing and extremely intimidating. But that’s Russia, and it is what it is.

So anyway, the point of the story is that I wanted to look like a Russian girl the other day, so I put in the extra effort to sport some high heels. Within literally 20 steps, to say I was hurting is an understatement. When walking in heels, one has not only to consider how painful it is; one has to consider that there is an art to walking in high heels. We have to be sure to stand up extra straight to make up for our instinctual desire to slouch from the discomfort. We have to concentrate on walking heel to toe, heel to toe. We have to constantly make sure we are not stomping like a Clydesdale. Walking in heels is f@#$ing difficult. It requires a grace that we are not born with, but that we must acquire through practice. And it’s hard to know if we are even walking correctly if we don’t have a mirror to inspect ourselves in. I get really paranoid when I walk in heels, because I don’t want people to look at me and be like “Goddamn that girl can’t walk in heels”. So at every opportunity I get to check my reflection in a glass window as I’m walking down the street, I make sure I’ve got the right posture. And the other day when I was walking through Moscow in high heels, I paid extra attention to the way I walked.

So that’s why, when I noticed people staring at me, I was confused. I got all paranoid and started thinking that maybe I was walking like an ape. So I kept checking out my reflection to make sure I didn’t look like an idiot. Sure enough, I was walking just fine. But people kept staring. I still don’t know why they were staring. I like to think it’s because I looked damn fine that day, but I am reluctant to give myself that much credit. I finally settled on the reasoning that when girls wear heels, they are more noticeable, so people instinctually check them out. I, for one, always check girls out who are wearing awesome heels. It’s not because I think they look ridiculous, but more out of curiosity and admiration. Whatev. I just hope it wasn’t because I looked like a stupid American trying too hard to look Russian.

And damn, was I glad to take those little shits off at the end of the day and put on my slippers.