My lonely days are over, it seems. I’ve finally met someone perfect for me. I never thought I would end up with a Russian man, but sometimes life hands us unexpected surprises.
His name is Vladimir Vladimirovitch (he and Vladimir Putin share the same name, which is a great sign). He’s a bit quiet, sort of nervous and even a bit twitchy. Smaller than most men. Quite sedentary. But he is very sweet, and I know he means well. I even snuck him into my dorm, which is strictly against the rules. And the best part is that he only cost me 200 rubles ($7).
All right, fine, Vladimir Vladimirovitch isn’t a man, he’s a Siberian dwarf hamster. But at this point in time, it’s my best option. I needed someone to love, and well, now I have someone to love. Although he has bitten the shit out of my fingers a number of times, I’m trying to be patient with him. I get him out of his cage several times a day to hold him and let him run around on my bed. I am hoping that this will cure his desire to draw blood out of me with his sharp little rodent teeth. I guess by purchasing a male hamster I ran the risk of dealing with an aggressive little f@#$er.
I’m a bit concerned that he is going to stink up my room, being a nasty rodent and all. If that happens, I am going to have to get rid of him. My back-up plan is to sneak him back into the pet shop and deposit him back into the hamster cage when no one is looking. Then I will try to find a mouse at another pet store (they didn’t have mice at this one). Mice don’t smell as bad as hamsters, and they’re smarter. But anyway, I’ll have to make do with what I have now. Vladimir Vladimirovitch seems to be a bit stupid, but hopefully I will find some quality in him to love. Animals are supposed to be therapeutic and improve your quality of life. And goddamnit, if Vladimir Vladimirovitch doesn’t improve my quality of life, he’s going back where he came from.
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